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  • Mein Schatz 2:47 pm on September 1, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: crime, ,   

    Surprise Turn of Events: Criminals Dealing Drugs 

    “The medicinal marijuana program that voters authorized years ago has been hijacked by underground drug dealing criminals who are resorting to violence in order to control their piece of the action,” according to one Californian Law Enforcement official. I, for one, am shocked, shocked at this improbable, nay, impossible turn of events. Whatever shall you do California?

  • Mein Schatz 1:55 pm on May 19, 2010 Permalink
    Tags: crime, justice,   

    Ugly People More Likely to be Convicted 

    Recent studies suggest that juries are more likely to convict ugly people of crimes, especially when the evidence is questionable or if the particular jurors are more inclined to make decisions based on emotion rather than logic. I ask the question, are ugly people merely more likely to commit crimes? As a beautiful person, I am likely to answer, yes.

  • Don Lando 6:10 pm on April 23, 2008 Permalink
    Tags: , crime, ,   

    Congonese condemn penis pilferage 

    While Americans bicker and complain about high gas prices, men from Congo are waking to find their nethers threatened by warlocks and thieves.

    Don Lando was incredulous at first, but who can argue with Reuters?

    From that article comes this jaw-dropping lede:

    Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

    Apparently, all you have to do to get lynched in Congo is be accused of trying to miniturize or steal a bloke’s tadger.

    “When you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there,” explained the police chief, “they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it?'”.

    “It’s real,” said a 29-yr-old phone card salesman, “Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny.” 

    I agree violence isn’t the answer here (though I would be enraged if I awoke to find someone had put a hex on my gear). Still, what happens when the accused are taken into the Penal System but the victims’ testamony fails to Stand Up under scrutiny?


    Another recent penis story that made us say ‘lol wut?’   -> here

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