Revenge in a Test Tube

Have you ever been jilted, lied to, cheated on, manipulated, cast aside, or generally abused by someone? Have you ever considered pooping into that someone’s pillow, hoping they might get pink eye or at the very least a terrible nightmare about falling into a septic tank? If that seems too drastic, have you considered keying a car, egging a house, revealing a secret out of an overwhelming desire for revenge? One company in Britain has developed an ultimate revenge strategy designed to inconvenience, humiliate, and outright torture its victims without causing “…permanent damage or risk of personal injury or jail time.” This company, for the low price of just £13.99, will ship you a vial full of lice eggs, ready for immediate deposition or storage in the refrigerator for those seeking a ‘colder’ dish of revenge. They offer several options, claiming to selectively breed the lice in their laboratory for desirable strains, including one variety that can supposedly resist the effects of anti-lice shampoo for up to two weeks. What’s next, Retaliation-AIDS? Grievance-Gonorrhea? Retribution-Syphilis? I am thinking of starting a new company: Venereal Vengeance. Who’s on-board?