NewsFlash: TV Makes kids Dumb and Fat

A shocking new study done at the University of Montreal revealed that toddlers who watch television were seen to exhibit these statistically relevant traits at ten years old:

  • a seven percent decrease in classroom engagement
  • a six percent decrease in math achievement (with no harmful effects on later reading)
  • a 10 percent increase in victimization by classmates (peer rejection, being teased, assaulted or insulted by other students)
  • a 13 percent decrease in weekend physical activity
  • a nine percent decrease in general physical activity
  • a none percent higher consumption of soft drinks
  • a 10 percent peak in snacks intake
  • a five percent increase in BMI

For those of you who aren’t surprised that time spent sitting in front of the television at a young age makes children fatter, dumber, lazier, and generally crappier kids, I deem you minimally qualified to raise a child. For those of you who didn’t know all of this before reading this article, I would like to invite you to have a free vasectomy/tubal ligation. In fact, I will even give you a free TV set, if you do.