Jolly good plan, mate. Pip pip!

Instead of heeding the advice I’ve bandied for years now, our isle-bound progenitors are taking a rather different approach.

Tens of billions of pounds will have to be raised through flight taxes to compensate developing countries for the damage air travel does to the environment, according to the Government’s advisory body on climate change.

Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Why solve the problem when you can just keep the problem and centralise more power?

And while we’re sucking the blood of the witless consumer, let us take this to its logical terminus and simply eighty-six all the pensioners. After appropriating their wealth just imagine all the airtime and print space we could buy to applaud ourselves for saving the world from the evils of carbon. There might even be a few pence left for the mongrel third world!