Quarter-life Crisis: It’s all downhill from here

Thanks to those smart-alecky UVA profs, Timothy Salthouse, et al., I’m now plucking at my temples and fretting over senility… at 26!

Patient B, age 30

Patient B, age 30

In a report published in the academic journal Neurobiology Of Ageing, researchers presented evidence that 75% of test subjects’ average peak performance came at age 22 before falling into irreversible nosedive just five years later.

However, they also found that abilities based on accumulated knowledge, like vocabulary or trivia, continued improving until age 60. What would a demoralizing research study be without a bright side, eh?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Metamucil and Centrum Silver waiting. This is obviously a marketing scam to make us to buy more health supplements and therapy, anyway. Why rob them of their prize?