A Vacuous Hole in the Internet

Things I Learned Today.

I hate the MSN homepage. There is rarely a single shred of actual news on the entire page. There are plenty of “ways to get skin like a celebrity,” quite a few “is Madonna back with A-Rod?,” and more than enough “tough times now for porn and booze.” Admittedly, that last one did sound pretty intriguing, but please tell me what I can possibly learn from a website that focuses so plainly on the superficial garbage of society and so blatantly ignores real news? MSN.com, why should I ever bother to visit your homepage? I often feel dumber for having done so, having completely wasted valuable time I could have spent learning Japanese or plucking my nose hairs. I have never seen anything more closely resembling an online tabloid than what might be considered the most widely viewed homepage in the world, considering most internet users don’t actually know how to change the default homepage that comes with their browser. That being said, who wastes their time with Internet Explorer anyway?

Although msn.com is a vacuous hole in the internet, drowning millions of visitors in mindless drivel, I am constantly drawn to it, seeking out perhaps one or two tidbits of information that might redeem the monster of consumerism and filth. “How to make that first kiss one of many.” No. “A ‘baby Blackberry’ for your preschooler.” Nope. “First glimpse of new ‘Hannah Montana.’” Maybe, well, no. I ask myself why they do this. I have never once clicked on any advertisement on msn, never once in the years of ignorance that it was set as my homepage. Part of me refuses to believe that anyone else would either, out of shear respect for the human population. I almost had to stop typing after that last sentence; couldn’t stop laughing. I forgot for a moment that I have almost no respect for the rest of humanity.

I think the real reason for msn.com being as it is has nothing at all to do with making money, at least directly. It, as nearly all news outlets have become in recent history, is about creating an image of America and molding the viewer to be a consumer and a reflection of that image. If MSN and FOX, CNN, ABC, and NBC and all the others can make America in their own image, do they not become gods?

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