Canada: So tolerant it costs more

O gluttony; full of all wickedness, o first cause of confusion to us all, beginning of damnation and our fall”   -Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales

Canada’s Supreme Court has gone and declared that the country’s two largest airlines have to offer morbidly obese passengers a free extra seat on domestic flights, beginning in January.

One person, one fare?? How about one person, one portion size, ya terrorists! That’s right I said it: you who feed ‘n fly are guilty of making me so unconfortable and wary of air travel that you qualify as terrorists.

Any thinking person knows the laws of physics – those being the ones that say it takes howevermany tons of jet fuel per hour to hoist a morbidly obese land whale – can’t be abrogated by declaration of Canada’s Supreme Court. Add to that the obvious fact that more pounds of fuel cost more, and the right answer is clear: Standardize ticket prices based at least partly on consumption of resources.

If you’re a tiny little wisp of a 80lb girl but you’re bringing 150 lbs of luggage, guess what.. you and the 230-pounder are going to pay the exact same fare. To expect otherwise is both dishonest and greivously inequitable.

Before anyone cries discrimination let us note that the physically fit have long borne additional expense on behalf of the obese; healthcare has become yet another financial crisis in this most flabby of nations and Canada is no exception. It’s not like we’re asking you to ride FedEx here. Besides, are we really gonna descriminate against smokers but not fat people? C’mon.

America, do not let this vile precedent ooze over to our dear nation. If we the people are free to pig out on hotdogs and pork rinds, let us also leave the market free to decide the consequences.

Keep your dietary decisions off my quality of life!