Killing Cats for a Living, Financially Viable?

Things I Learned Today – Friday, November 21, 2008

One of my major pet peeves is when a person says “I want” instead of “I would like” or “may I please have.” I find this incredibly rude and presumptuous of the persons in question that their wants and desires are so very much more important than civility and common courtesy. I have lapsed a little in my writing, probably because I haven’t taken a day off in almost three weeks, and every day has run together into one long work day. This is probably why the rude customers that claim to “want” rather than “would like” have gotten so much more on my nerves.

This is the test. Will I continue with this online diary, or will I give up in defeat? It has been almost two weeks since my last entry, but I feel that one sentence every two days is a pretty good pace. It’s better than not writing at all. Right now I am sitting at a YMCA in Bellingham, watching racquetball. I can’t participate in anything fun, but in about one more week I should be able to risk it. I have been able to do a few pushups here and there, mostly on my knees. Tomorrow I will sign my paperwork for my new apartment in Bellingham and drop off a few resumes. Maybe I will get a job and be able to pay for school. I have been working every day for the last three weeks, but that is mostly just to pay off my medical bills and the new bike I haven’t ridden yet. It is really pretty though.

I was listening to the radio the other day and heard one of the funniest satires of American life I have ever experienced. It was done by an Eastern European guy with a heavy accent, so it seemed even funnier despite the fact that it came across as a foreigner making fun of Americans. Apparently, there is a town called Randolph, Iowa that has recently posted a bounty for turning in stray or feral cats to be euthanized. In the entire history of the program, which lasted only a few weeks, only two cats were turned in for the $5 of blood money. The satire, which I am hesitant to paraphrase here for fear of failing to do it justice, commented on the fact that Americans seemed to have no motivation to participate in the program, even through a reasonable cash reward was possible. He ruminated on the fact that perhaps the reward is not nearly enough to encourage overweight and lazy Joe Sixpack to get off the porch and chase wild cats around. But then again, how much would be enough? It’s not like these things want to be caught, and not getting caught by things bigger than you has got to be one of the most important rules of the animal kingdom.

I got to wondering how much it would take me to get off the couch, stop typing up my innermost thoughts and desires for the benefit of unemployed auto-workers and internet nerds, and start chasing cats for a living. If you were to go by just dollars per hour, I would think $15 would be about the absolute minimum I would need to make to have the venture be financially viable. That being the case, that works out to three cats per hour, twenty-four cats per day, and one-hundred twenty cats per week. Are numbers like these even close to realistic? Its not as if one finds packs of cats, tightly bunched and easily trappable. Tracking down each animal would be a challenging task. A constant stream of civilian tips would be necessary to locate the solitary creatures, for keeping up a twenty-four-cat-a-day pace merely patrolling the back alleys and overgrown fields would be nearly impossible without an army of scouts. And then how would I make any money? Maybe a kill-a-cat hotline would work. Finally, is any moderately sized community going to have a feral cat problem that lends itself to more than one or two weeks of work? I would imagine that most places have at most a few dozen wild felines that need catching. Short of becoming a cat-killing nomad that lives in my death van touring from town to town in search of my next big score, I don’t think the numbers are going to pan out.

Failure Of Feral Cats Roundup Has Explanation »NPR

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