August Review: Elephant math and an inconvienient lack of sunspots

As reported by Fox News, Ashiya, an elephant from Ueno Zoo, Tokyo has scored an 87% on a crude math exam involving assorted fruits and buckets. This means that should you score less than eighty seven percent on a math test you are likely dumber than a pachyderm. Could this lead to a new comedy game show hosted by Jeff Foxworthy? Possibly.

August also saw the absence of sunspot activity (save a minor, disputed flare up which has garnered a half-point), and is something of a capstone to a year that has already seen record low activity. Statistics point to spotless months as a warning sign for global cooling, potentially the beginning of a new ice age. This could have grave effects, similar to those during the infamous Maunder minimum. This is inconvenient timing for Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, whose party continues to capitalize on global warming hype.

The Bruce suggests employing elephants for scientific analysis and climate prediction purposes, they’d stick to numbers, have no political agenda, and keep their big mouths shut.