The Front Porch: Ben Affleck/Sudan bad for salads

RECENTLY, following the lead of a multitude of Hollywood do-gooders, Ben Affleck, like a modern day Mohammad, has returned from Sudan* and prophesied the plight of the Sudanese to the masses. According to E! Entertainment News, Affleck noted the potential for civil war and demanded we turn our attentions to the plight of the Dark Continent.

While The Bruce is supportive of humanitarianism, he does not feel that celebrities are put on this earth to impress upon us their eternal wisdom. You are here to entertain us, not inform us. It is your role to comment on society through artistic expression, not with news briefs or protests. If you so choose to take up the cross of good samaritian, please do so in a way that actually serves, like Mother Teresa, or Paul Newman.

If I can’t at least marinate a chicken in it, there’s really no point to me supporting your cause.

*Read more about Sudan here,

it is in fact quite serious and should not be handled in any way by celebrities.