Stupid Jimmy Carter, Ruining all my Dreams

So, this town in Vermont decided to cover their entire municipality with a dome back in 70’s in an effort to avoid paying heating costs. Now, I’m not exactly sure how they thought they could avoid the wrath of Old Man Winter by hiding under some plexiglass, but they developed a plan to turn the town into a perpetual midsummer festival. Then they applied for some government money to study its feasibility, and that red-necked peanut farmer turned them down personally, and thus quashed another one of my dreams.

Cabbage, Mussels, and Basil Oil, a Cure for Cancer?

No, decidedly, and without equivocation, no. This was the claim of a would-be naturopath, sexual offender, and charlatan Swedish “doctor” who was apprehended recently on charges of administering this concoction to cancer patients in exchange for huge sums of Swedish Kronas. One would think that in an age of science, after centuries of witchdoctors and shaman and outright thieves preying on the desperation of the ill and dying, that the human race would start to get the point: magic beans will not grow into a giant ladder to heaven. At best they might offer a mild euphoria from the poisonous alkaloid compounds that reside in their skins, and at worst they will take all your cash, your virginity, and your hair on a trip to bankruptcy land. At least compound idiocy is not just a trait of lazy, overfed Americans…

I Figure a Month of Silence is Enough

I have been back in school, and it has taken up a good deal of my time, and I have found the time I don’t spend studying or working, I really don’t want to write a blog entry. But I recently read an article that so inspired me, I could no longer contain myself. My dream of one day being a space doctor on Mars has recently come much closer to reality. A new ion drive that can put men on mars in 39 days. 39 days! That’s less than the boat ride from Europe to the New World in 1600.

My Future Backyard

Samurai Vigilantism

Every man is the king of his castle, or in the case of one Johns Hopkins University student, Daimyo of his yamashiro. After hearing a commotion he rushed downstairs, samurai sword in hand, and with one deadly blow dispatched his victim in a pool of blood and entrails. Of course the police promptly arrested the man defending his home, but hopefully justice will prevail and the sword-wielding ronin will be freed on his own recognizance. This reminds me that it might be time to polish up the old pig-sticker and practice my war face.

R. Lee Ermy would be scarier if he had a sword.

For Those of You Planning to Live Forever

Every day scientists are uncovering new secrets of the human enigma, finding new ways to make our lives longer and healthier. Personally, I wouldn’t mind living forever, even if it meant turning myself into a semi-human chemistry experiment, but that’s just me. One could make an argument that eternal life would bring with it a subsequent insanity, loneliness, and boredom, but I would imagine that after 1,000 years or so one would find a way to overcome these little challenges. As many people know, the key to unraveling many of the body’s secrets lies in understanding totipotent stem cells, cells that can become any cell in the body, from brain to bone to muscle cells. One could potentially get these cells by grinding up unborn babies and ingesting the slurry of their potency like a post-modern vampire, but this carries with it some obvious ethical problems, not to mention some wicked indigestion. Many breakthroughs are being made in unlocking the retroactive potency of somatic cells in adults, a fountain of youth of almost limitless potential. The article listed above describes a process of unlocking yet another secret of the human genome, that is understanding the genetic underpinning of Natural Killer cells and their pluripotent roots.

Jolly good plan, mate. Pip pip!

Instead of heeding the advice I’ve bandied for years now, our isle-bound progenitors are taking a rather different approach.

Tens of billions of pounds will have to be raised through flight taxes to compensate developing countries for the damage air travel does to the environment, according to the Government’s advisory body on climate change.

Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Why solve the problem when you can just keep the problem and centralise more power?

And while we’re sucking the blood of the witless consumer, let us take this to its logical terminus and simply eighty-six all the pensioners. After appropriating their wealth just imagine all the airtime and print space we could buy to applaud ourselves for saving the world from the evils of carbon. There might even be a few pence left for the mongrel third world!

Good Old Teddy, and Piranhas

I recently came across an article referencing Teddy Roosevelt’s post-Presidential trip to South America as a source of a prevailing myth of the animal kingdom, that the mighty piranha is capable of stripping a bovine victim down to its bones in under a minute. Apparently, the overwhelming desire to impress the mighty adventurer motivated a group of Brazilians to isolate an inordinate number of the fish in a small lake without nourishment for several days before his visit, at which time they dropped in said ruminant, and the resulting legend was born. I disagree that, as the article suggests, the ability of piranha to complete said feat is truly a myth, considering that they could perform said action, even if it would never truly occur in nature. Just as I could physically copulate with a supermodel, but said escapade is unlikely to occur in the normal routine of my day.

Please love me, Teddy!

Swine Flu – Get it Now!

This article makes some interesting points on the evolution of new types of Influenza and their ability to change and adapt while remaining virulent and potent. The article seems to suggest that getting H1N1 now would likely increase an individual’s resistance to related strains in the future, while simultaneously pointing out that the dangerous nature of these types of influenza are directly related to their ability to hybridize with other flu strains in the body. So, while the suggestion that individuals seek out and contract the virus might provide increased resistance for the individual, it could also feasibly increase the rate of hybridization and potentially hasten the evolution of influenza A into a super-killer for the rest of society that doesn’t contract the less deadly strain currently circulating. So, in order to protect one’s self and create a certain amount of herd immunity, we should encourage exposure, but in order to limit the deadly effects of certain types of hybridization, exposure needs to be carefully regulated and controlled (a near impossibility). This could be an interesting, if potentially lethal, experiment in mass immunology.

Race Report: Apple Capital Triathlon

On August 22nd I stepped out of my study cave and blinked at the harshness of the sunlight while shaking out my atrophied legs in preparation for a short little race at Daroga State Park outside Wenatchee. The sprint course was a fast one, except for an annoyingly steep climb out of the parking lot on both the bike and run legs. I told myself before starting this race that I was going to race as fast as possible the entire time and try to push myself to exhaustion, and I figured that since it was such a short race, this wouldn’t prove to be too difficult a challenge. It turned out to be a reasonable request, but my ability to mentally force my legs to run faster didn’t quite live up to expectations. Apparently, when you sit in front of a computer screen for two straight months and only venture out for an occasional jaunt to the school or coffee shop to study in a different chair, the legs have a limited amount of go-juice in them. In all the finish was decent, meeting my traditional goals, mostly as a consequence of a small race turnout and not really in reflection of any superb performance on my part:

1) Finish in top 10% of field: Yes, 4th overall out of 57, 4th out of the men, and 1st in my age group of 5.

2) Beat all the women: Yes! Thorough beat down!

3) No real time goal this race, but I finished in 1:09:26. I would like to be under one hour next year for a comparable distance. A reasonable goal, I think, if I actually spend some time training.

I recommend this race for anyone interested in a well-organized, relaxed, fun race with a nice, fast swim and a similarly speedy bike section. If you are looking to run against world-class Age-Groupers, this probably isn’t the place for you, but as with every race in Washington, the quality of competitors seems to get better every year.

‘Attaway, Congress. Nearly one whole third!

Who needs 100% when you can have one third?

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So the latest polling shows that 29% of Americans are very confident somewhat confident that Congress knows what it’s doing when it comes to the economy.

Of course 67% lack confidence, buy hey – one third’s not too bad right?

So let’s have one third of a three cheers for the United States Legislature.

Now that you’ve got the economic mess sorted out, let’s finish up the delicate process of reforming destroying the US health care system.

Blurg: Disney Buys Marvel.

Today, the Walt Disney Company, known for such beloved characters as Mickey Mouse, Simba, Nemo, announced its purchase of Marvel Entertainment (Batman, The Green Hornet) for the tidy sum of $4 Billion greenbacks. And so western culture continues its slow slide into mediocrity.

On the plus side, an “The Incredibles Part Deux” film is a sure bet and begs the question: Mr. Incredible vs Superman – who’d win?

Take that, Socialized Medicine.

And from across the Atlantic comes news of major flaws in Socialized medicine:

The charity has disclosed a horrifying catalogue of elderly people left in pain, in soiled bed clothes, denied adequate food and drink, and suffering from repeatedly cancelled operations, missed diagnoses and dismissive staff. -Telegraph

Oh my… I guess it’s a good thing our Dear Leader apologized to Canada instead of the UK. Avoided a major egg-on-face situation there.

I’m back – and more opinionated than EVER before!

To Whom it May Concern, (you)

Listen up. The Bruce, who has enjoyed a lenghtly siesta from TSJ – not only from writing but from reading as well – has returned and been lurking these past few weeks and discovered to his utter horror a lack of bite, heavy handed opinion, and general irreverence for liberals, organic food, and the establishment in general.

What has happened? The Bruce dun up ‘n left – that’s what.

And speaking of folks leaving, where’s that witty, TSA whipping Don Lando been? And where’s our long-winded, registered Libertarian Free Radical gone off to? Let’s go gents, these are the days. This guy Barry has it out for us. And by us I mean the republic, or what’s left of it.

Get off your asses and write, men!

And so on that note, dear friends I now return, rested, rejuvenated, and ready to be brash, argumentative and of course, always right.